Love Muffins

One thing I've noticed over the past year is phrasing and the way people say words.

For instance, "fuck" can be said in lots of different ways.

Consider in this instance, we're talking about the act of having sex. Here, you can say any of the following:

  • "I want to fuck you"
  • "I'd like to have sex with you"
  • "Want to go in the corner and shag?"
  • "I gotsta get laid tonight!"
  • "Bend over bitch; we're doing the nasty."
  • "Anal or missionary?"
  • "It's time for the funky cold medina."
  • "Would it be okay if we had sexual intercourse now?"

In fact, with the exception of the last one, every single one of those is probably a lot nicer than the phrase I'm having problem with because to be honest…

I don't think there's any nice way to say I want to eat your pussy.


Oh sure, true vaginal connoisseurs don't need to think about how they say it. They merely need to purse their lips and hope the member of the opposite sex their gazed is locked in with gets the message.

Yes. Your lips tell me everything. You don't need to say any crass terms. You don't need to speak it. Just drop to your knees and eat me good.
I don't like that "my neck, my back" song by Khia in the slightest but at least the message was freakin' clear.

And the message from "I want to eat your pussy" is clear too…

It just doesn't sound… right.

So I have devised a few alternatives that can be used in the place of that statement. Let's see what I came up with:

  • Munching on love muffins – Everyone loves muffins, and when they're made out of love, they're even better for munching on!
  • Licking the labia lamingtons – Okay. This one isn't all that good. I concede here.
  • Having an Iced Vulva – This won't make much sense if you're not an Australian. You see, we have a biscuit / cookie here called an "Iced Vovo" and it's yummy and coated with coconut and… I'll just shut up now.
  • Cleaning the camel – Camel-toe. Cleaning. Oh I've got no idea. Cheque please!
  • Blowing the burger – Well, obviously I've seen one too many pornographic images. 
  • Licking the slit – By now, the use of "the" in between each word almost degrades the act of eating pussy to that of male masturbation since the slang terms used to describe that action all use the same particle wording, i.e. choking the chicken, slapping the salami, beating the bishop, slide the snake, roping the pony, etc.
  • Tasting the Tabby – To be honest, I think this is the best. It takes the "eating" and turns it into "tasting" and keeps the pussy but makes it a breed: Tabby. 

So if someone asks you if they want to meet your kitten, they might actually be asking for something else.

Hey… Meet Your Kitten… that's a good one! Throw that on there too! 😛



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