Last night (well, technically not last night… Friday night really, since last night is now Saturday…), Bernie — a close friend of mine from the National Art School — asked me to come out and take a picture of Clover Moore coming out for a photo op with her (as she’s the head of Friends Of the National Art School) to which I gladly obliged.
Also, I had talked to Damo (the photography TA to whom I’m still friends with) earlier on in the day and had found out that what was on that night at the school was an opening of sorts.
Sponsored by [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombay_Sapphire]Bombay Sapphire Gin[/url].
Well then. That’s… ermm… nifty. After having a photo op, Bernie and myself could smaple some gin. We could even sample it. And after sampling it, we might be spelling sample as smaple. Gin can do funny things to the brain.
But not with the amount they put in their glasses.
Healthy tip: when at an event sponsored by Bombay Sapphire, if you’re given the option of two glasses, choose the cylindrical glasses over the martini shapes ones. The cylindrical ones have more alcohol in them.
So I got out there half an hour early (wow… I was early for something… shit… did the world end and no one tell me?!) and told the people at the door that I was shooting for Bernie. Whether they knew Bernie or thought that “Bernie” was some sort of magazine, I couldn’t tell.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-02.jpg[/img]
[i]Bernie Monthly: For those of us that know what it’s like to be a Bernie or a Bernadette.[/i]
I ate my Thai sushi outside of the lecture rooms (I think it’s Building 5) while I waited for Bernie to arrive. When I was done with that, I pretty much grabbed my camera and media pass and pestered John-Claude (JC), the kick-ass security guard from our campus. I can’t describe JC in any other way. He’s a brilliant guy but if I call him nice, kind, evil, brilliant, or any other good word, I’ll probably find myself buried in the desert some where.
Actually, because I’ve already mentioned him on my site, I’ll probably find myself buried some where in the desert anyway.
Ah… screw it. I’m already dead. Here’s a nice picture of the brilliant JC with Bernadette Mansfield.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-01.jpg[/img]
[i]If I don’t get to make another blog entry, it’s because JC has found a way to kill me and I’m now being eaten by bugs, rodents, and starving artists somewhere in the desert… wherever Sydney’s desert happens to be…[/i]
Not long after, Bernie showed up and then Michael did. And then we were left to wait for Clover Moore who was supposed to come at 6.30.
6.30 came and went. So did 6.35, 6.40, 6.45, and then finally at around 6.50… a Prius drove up.
Yes… and on the twentieth minute past the late point, the God of NAS said let there be an environmentally snail of a car that will drive up. And drive up it will, and the mayor will get out. And she will stand. And smile. And you will snap, snap, snap.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-03.jpg[/img]
And I did. And I will forever be known as… the one who uses biblical forms of speaking because I’m insane and eternally screwed up.
That was out of Verse 1 – Chapter 1 of the Bible-Of-The-Completely-Fucked-Up, available in all imaginary sadistic bookstores or smooth jazz retailers. Bring it home now.
Or don’t. I’m not really bothered. It’s probably better if you don’t probe your imagination for a store like that. You’ll never get off of the mailing list. And then they’ll start calling and they’ll never stop, and then you’ll have to deal with imaginary in-brain telemarketers. And guess what? There is no bloody higher supervisor for you to talk to because guess what? It’s you, so you just end up either having an aneurysm or having your head explode. Either way, it’s not nice for you or whoever has to clean it up.
So instead, let’s talk about design… design and furniture and thingies and objects.
This invite-only event was for [url=http://www.object.com.au/index.html]Object Gallery[/url] and features new designs of lots of different… objects… that will hopefully be all publicly available in the near future (apparently).
When Bernie, Michael and myself had finished with the photo op, we headed over to the exhibition where they were to start with the speeches pretty promptly. Now, you can yell at me for not paying attention to them if you want… I don’t really care.
Honestly, the MC of the event seemed quite spirited but couldn’t be funny even when she tried passing off a joke. Clover Moore — who helped open the thing — sounded quite dry and lifeless as she obviously read off of notes that lay on the podium in front of her. The only speaker with any real sense of “I might actually give a damn about engaging the audience” was a designer who had come out for the event from Holland.
Sadly, I didn’t get his name. I was too busy trying to get a decent shot of the guy. Mind you, when the speeches were done, I noticed how a fair few of the hot girls that were around flocked to him to talk to him. It was then that I realised (and commented to Bernadette accordingly) that I’d been going about this thing the wrong way: I’d always thought that by being in a band and being a rockstar (sort of… wannabe… somewhat… something), I’d have girls flocking to me… but no… it appears I need to be a designer.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-05.jpg[/img]
[i]The designer from Europe on the left and Michael on the right.[/i]
When the speeches were done and I had changed lenses, Bernie, Michael and myself went in to the Cell Block to see what all the fuss was about. I think we were going to aim for a shot with Bernard Ollis — the head of the National Art School — in it, but we never found him and it didn’t eventuate. Strangely, if we were to have found him and taken the shot, that should would have sat on the 666 counter on my camera’s display.
So… what was inside? Well, aside for a mess of bad design in the layout of the actual exhibit (it’s ironic that an exhibition on design had such a poor layout…), there were a lot of objects and extensions or newer perceptions of ideas inside. Layout-wise (in case you’re interested), it was as if the organisers were trying to do what the Powerhouse Museum is so good at doing in terms of layout mapping and design… the only difference being that where the people at the Powerhouse Museum are really good at it, whoever did it for this mob completely and entirely missed the mark and had no idea how to best set the exhibition up within the confines of the space that the Cell Block has to offer.
Anyway, rather than tell you what there was, I feel that it’s probably a bit easier if I show you some of the things from the inside.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-07.jpg[/img]
[i]This is a chair of sorts. It’s actually got a nice design and is probably one of the better pieces in the entire “show”.
On the left, the seat is made out of cement, probably made for a park or a patio. On the right, it’s made out of plastic, probably for home use.[/i]
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-08.jpg[/img]
[i]This is a table. Can you tell?
Seriously, I think it’ll work really well if you spill something, especially if it’s an outdoors table. It’ll make cleaning up just that much easier.[/i]
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-09.jpg[/img]
[i]Clothes. I don’t exactly know why clothes were at a design show, especially clothes that didn’t exactly bring out anything all that interesting about their designs. You tell me.[/i]
There were also vases, shoes, jewelery, couches that looked more retro than “inspired design”, benches, coat-hangers, Crumpler bags, and even a coat-rack that looked more like it was a wall-mountable pleasure item for multiple orifices. The furniture like the chairs, benches, couches, and other items which you’d normally want to sit on could [i]not[/i] in fact be sat on. Stick that in the “oh-so-intelligent” ideas book for the idiot who planned this exhibition. The products may well be items of furniture for you to sit on, but it appears that whoever organised this exhibition will be damned if he or she will let you find out if they’re actually functional past the form that they were designed with.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-10.jpg[/img]
Now on every artist panel, there was some signage giving a bio about the artist as well as their letters in a sort of System-like font done as a nifty logo of sorts with their initials. I’m sure the designed who planned the logos thought it was nifty. It’s quite possible that I think they were an idiot. It’s actually very likely that I thought they’re an idiot. I mean… come on… look at the one above. It looks like a bloody swastika. All you have to do is squint and then you get “Heil Hitler!” which in and of itself is probably one of the worst things I can mention in a blog entry entitled “Gin & Jews”.
There was also a desk near the entrance and exit doors. You could get blue shirts, blue pieces of paper acting as exhibition pamphlets, blue overpriced dvd’s about the show… or just look at the pretty girls selling the crappy merchandise. Your prerogative.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-06.jpg[/img]
Anyway, now for the Pizza De La Resistance… it is time for a special event for my 150th blog.
Now, one-hundred-and-fifty blogs might not seem like a big deal to you, but you just try and read through the 30 pages of blogs I’ve made so far and see what you think. And that’s 30 pages of 10 entries each, which itself doesn’t count how many pages each blog can sometimes get up to. Why, one of the blogs I made a couple of weeks ago (and is probably still on this page) is over 19,000 characters long… making this a very big and un-user-friendly page.
Anyway, with the event being sponsored by Bombay Sapphire Gin and me being Jewish (well, I’m a Distorted Jew, which I guess is good enough to claim the blog title “Gin & Jews” because there was likely at least one other Jew there to make it plural…), I decided to record on a crappy headset mic a special song for all of my blog readers… all five of you.
Sing along if you know the words (which you won’t because I wrote it around eight hours ago)…
[i](Press play above to hear below!)[/i]
With so much drama at the N-A-S
It’s kinda hard being Leigh, but I’ll take a guess
And I, some how some way
Keep coming up with funky ass blogs every day
I got bitches in the courtyard getting it on
And by “getting it on” I mean designing a thong
And we’ll all laugh all night from this
Glass up, drink down while you motherfuckers bounce to this
Rolling down Kings Cross, designing stuff
Sippin on gin with Jews
Laid back (got my mind on money and my money on my mind)
Don’t get annoyed if I bag all your clothes
I just come for the booze and I’m out the door
And
I’ll be
Rolling down Kings Cross, designing stuff
Sippin on gin with Jews
Laid back (got my mind on money and my money on my mind)
Yes ladies and gentlemen, that was “Gin & Jews”, based off of the Richard Cheese rendition of Snoop Doggy Dogg’s classic “Gin & Juice”. My apologies to [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Cheese_and_Lounge_Against_the_Machine]Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine[/url] for using them without paying them (I feel like such a cheap used condom for that) but I’m poor… and humourless… and I’m out of excuses.
Seriously people, go out and buy a [url=http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-1828389-0739052?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=richard+cheese&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go]Richard Cheese[/url] and / or [url=http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/103-3975245-8159037?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=snoop+dogg&Go.x=0&Go.y=0&Go=Go]Snoop Dogg[/url] disc. And then go and buy a condom. And think of me when it breaks.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/03-GinAndJews-11.jpg[/img]
[i]Shot by Bernadette Mansfield.[/i]