What better way to start a post than with the word “masturbation”. Oh, I love the word.
Actually, I don’t really love the word. I love the action of performing [url=http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/masturbation]the definition[/url]. Ooo baby, I can be a manipulative little bastard… daily [b]and[/b] nightly!
But let me tell you of an experience in my masturbatory life from today.
I was just waking up and I felt the need to… let go… shall we say… so I put my hands down there as usual and… hmm… I’m wearing my satin boxers.
Now, I only have one pair of your standard boxers. I’m not actually a fan of standard boxers. They’re too loose around my groin and I just don’t feel comfy in them. I’m a brief and boxer-brief person (they’re like boxers, but cling to the skin; there’s probably an actual name, but I don’t know what it is… Fred. We’ll call them Fred). I wear my briefs and Freds and am entirely comfortable, but I do have one pair of boxers ([url=https://www.leighlo.com/sitearchives/TrollCookies/goodies/walls/TCUnDs-1024×768.jpg]like I have one pair of a g-string[/url]) and it’s satin… and I wear it pretty much when I’ve run out of other things to wear to bed or don’t want to go to bed naked (yes, charming image I know, but this entire post is like this so if you can’t cop it now, scroll down to a different post).
So I was beating off in my usual fashion, which is actually quite different from what I imagine most guys will do, and I’ll get into it here one day if someone wants me to as it is… odd. Seriously, what the hell did you expect from a guy who looks like a South Park character and wears a hat with the word “FREAK” on it?!
Anyway, I was beating off and by the time I was about to come I was like “but I’m wearing satin– what will happen?!”
It was a very science-experiment sort of mood for me, I’ll tell you that.
[i]Wait… you want me to stop? You want me to explain why I’m just going to come in my boxers? Well, okay then.[/i]
Most guys seem to have this need or obligation to come into a sock or a tissue.
Seriously, the sock I don’t get. Sure, it’s a sleeve for your cock and it hides it, but other than that, say you forgot to wash it, you’d have semen swirling around your toes if you put it on quickly, and dried cum knocking on ball of your feet if you didn’t. Doesn’t sound that charming, although I imagine there’s a time you could use it in a sentence:
[b]Girlfriend: Hey babe! How are you? *kiss*[/b]
[i]Boyfriend: Not too bad. What’s up?[/i]
[b]Girlfriend: I got a new pair of shoes! It only took me 3 days and 60 assistants to find the one I like![/b]
[i]Boyfriend: That’s great. Speaking of shoes, I’ve got semen swirling around my toes right now and it’s making me very horny. [/i]
Yeah… moving on…
The tissue makes a lot of sense. It’s about cleaning up, and all guys like to clean up nice (surely… no… maybe… ok, yeah right).
I mean, yeah, they want to come all over [b]your[/b] tits, all over [b]your[/b] face, and into [b]your[/b] mouth, but heaven forbid they get a speck on their blue shirt, shit man… it’s all over!
Well, I don’t exactly see the big deal in the tissue (or sock) thing. I mean, I’m wearing an article of clothing that’s going to go into the wash (or at the very least, the laundry basket) the moment I get up and take my clothes off for a shower so it’s quite disposable.
And it’s even going to be washed, so there’s no residue, except in the case of a CSI coming over to my place and [url=http://www.4nsi.com/blacklights.htm]using a black-light system[/url] to track down if my sperm jumped out of my body to kill a man…
So there’s my reasoning and logic for beating off into my undies. I imagine when girls masturbate while they’re still wearing clothes, it’s considered sexy and nasty, but if I — a guy — does it while I’m lying back in bed, it’s considered sick and wrong.
Well I am sick… and anyone perpetuating that form of logic is acting within the realm of a double standard and needs to grow the fuck up.
Anyway, this is where you’d think the ending of this post might go, but no, it is not for I still haven’t told you what happened when I came into my satin boxers…
I came and it soaked into the satin weave a bit, but it also seemed to bounce back onto my pubes and left more slimy entrails on my groin and and other area.
So, if you’re looking for a very wet and slimy after-thought to your climax AND you’re an explosive orgasmer (I’m not saying I am. I could’ve just been lucky… without the “luck” bit), then buy yourself some satin boxers today!!!
[i]I foresee satin boxer companies losing stock very quickly at people being overcome with mass vomiting and hysteria after reading this blog…[/i]