and of course egg & Spam. Spam egg bacon & spam. Spam spam egg bacon & spam spam corned beef & spam spam spam email addresses harvested like mad & spam spam spam spam viagra and spam.
Like wow. The amount of Spam in my mailbox at work is huge. Everyone wants to sell me Viagra. HOW DID THEY KNOW?!
I thought my addiction to Viagra was a secret! I wonder if they know that I'm turning it into a fine powder and putting it into the food at retirement homes so I can make some of the strongest hat racks known to mankind.
Seriously, that was wrong and I know it.
But Spam is beginning to worry me. Hell, last week I got one piece in my inbox at work at lunch. There I was having the shit pummeled out of me in Quake 3 Arena by Dave & Ray when *DING* I got mail! and I got spammed AND fragged at the same time. Like… whoa.
And some of the ones I've seen lately are graphic, complete with very Grey's Anatomy (the book, not the show) drawings of penises and pixelated images of girls holding their fingers on each hand apart as if to say "The next time you buy me a tampon, it better not be this fucking big." Like… yeah… if I were gay, ridiculously bloody horny, and no one was going out with me (the only different thing about that is I'm not gay) then geeze… I might just sprout a tree right there in my pants from the site of a medically drawn cock.
Like… whoa.
I wonder what's actually happened to the Nigerian Spam. Those Nigerians must be losing so much money to Viagra. Every piece of spam, it's Viagra this, Enhance Your Size that. Viagra seems to have taken the digital world by storm. So what are the Nigerians doing about it? Maybe they're buying it. Maybe they're even supplying it…
Wait… hold on… I just got some spam…
Dear Friend with a small penis,
Please do not be offended that I have identified you as someone with a small penis. I only acted as I did because I believe that small penis people need to be contacted immediately to rectify their penises.
I am Viagra supplier Mekebo Mcgwuauauauauauauaua. Do not attempt to say my last name. Not only will your penis get smaller but your head will implode. I am a Viagra supplier to companies you have heard of, companies you haven't heard of, and companies who wish to remain anonymous.
A few weeks ago, I had a massive order of Viagra come through for a company that is stalking your sister. Even though I probably shouldn't mention it, you have a long lost sister. She is the one who they were ordering the Viagra for. It's complicated. Anyway, she has been involved in a horrible windows crash and they are unable to remove a Microsoft logo piece of glass from her spine thus leading to her death. I'm sorry to have to tell you this in the one paragraph. It's terrible. To sum up, the suppliers have no need for the Viagra now and neither do I.
If you would like to take this Viagra off of my hands, money will have to change feet. If money changes hands, Viagra would change feet, and since Viagra changes penises, money has to change feet. Again, don't attempt saying saying my name as it will cause your head to implode and your penis to get smaller than Paris Hilton's dignity.
Ha ha. I use English humour. I kid. No. Really. Ha ha.
Please reply back to me quickly so I can send you details and ensure your penis is hard. Very hard and big. Girls like big and hard penises.
Yours sincerely,
Mekebo Mcgwuauauauauauauaua
Mekebo Mcgwua…. I don't even want to know. Why do I have to get this crap?
Why can't beautiful girls spam me about how they urgently need to sleep with me or their heads will explode?! Or they could email me about needing one of my heads exploding in them. Geeze…