Haven't made a sex post in a while… at the very least, a few posts.
I was talking to a friend from America tonight… I say friend but he's really one of my best friends.
Anyway, we were talking about Starcraft. Now you're saying to yourself "what the fuck does Starcraft have to do with getting laid?" and then you're asking yourself "wait, why am I asking this when I could be getting laid?" and the answer is you're stuck in the same fuck-less loop of life that I'm in.
Still, we were talking about Starcraft and how insane over it Koreans are and I came up with The Starcraft Effect.
What Is The Starcraft Effect? Unfortunately, nobody can tell you what The Starcraft Effect is. You have to cream it for yourself.
What you have to understand is that for some reason or another, South Koreans love Starcraft. I don't get it myself. I mean sure, it's a good game. I even like the look of Starcraft 2, but I'm not someone who's going to be OMG! Starcraft! OMG! because a new iteration of Starcraft is making waves. But the South Koreans… they love that shit.
So when Blizzard made the announcement that Starcraft 2 was coming out and the first few Koreans glanced upon the screens, eyes glazed over with the tears they've been wanting to shed for years upon years… a shockwave was sent all throughout South Korea. Every South Korean male was moved by the experience in ways no one expected.
Jeo Don Ping was sitting at his desk. An accountant, he was working away at the newest tax problem. He was intrigued by the boring numbers that everyone else had told him to get a life over. He sipped his coffee when WHAM! BUZZ! POW! He creamed himself right then and there. He thought he'd found a loophole.
Americans have a similar problem. Whenever John Carmack announces a new game, 25% of the American male population runs out and shoots someone. It's like "Cool! A new game! WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO ACCEPT MY SHAFT, BITCHES?!!!!" It'd be nice if they were gay. They could be so happy, accepting each others shafts and pineapples and what-not… that's old-school Quake 1 multiplayer humour…
Anyway. Porn.
Let's get something straight: I love porn. You're like "well duh. Shit Leigh, we don't come to your site to see the Gimmick-fucking-Guy." So yeah, I love porn.
But looking at the amateur orgy shit bugs me. Like last night I looked at it and became jealous of the fuckwits who were getting laid simply because… well.. they were getting laid. Damn jealousy. Damn it to hell.
If The Starcraft Effect works on Koreans and The John Carmack Effect works on gun-toting Americans, then why isn't there something that affects girls… like a crazy freaky styley effect that makes randomly hot-and-undiseased women glance my way and go "Fuck… I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm thinking like this, but I'm going to strap that guy to the nearest park bench and bounce on his cock."
You know why there's nothing like that?
Because women are immune. They've developed the cure to our ignorance and have found their own forms of ignorance… like thinking Paris Hilton is a role model… and putting on make-up when it's completely unnecessary.
The world is a strange place, my friends… loaded with strange human beings…
Shit, I'm too dizzy to post. I really should see a doctor… lol…