I have this feeling in the back of my head that I’m dying.
I mean… yeah… we’re all dying, in a manner of speaking… but somewhere in the back of my head, there’s a feeling that my death is coming faster than I actually want it to come and faster than I’d otherwise expect it to come.
Somewhere between the random dizzy spells I keep having and have been having for almost a year now, amongst the nose bleeds every few months, within the problems that my gut seems to constantly throw at me or the mutating allergies that seem to change every few months making it harder and harder for me to find foods that won’t cause a heartburn-like reaction for no apparent reason.
Somewhere between all of that, there’s a notion going on in my head that has me questioning whether I’m dying or whether there’s some weird crap happening to my body and the only way I can describe it easily is by saying “I feel like I’m dying”.
For the past day or two, I’ve been feeling tired. Exhausted. Broken and unable to be fixed.
This is probably because of the excess work I seem to have been putting myself through to get the animation finished and to help others with random crap.
I feel like I’ve stayed up too long and haven’t let my body properly recharge for a while… and as such, I wonder if me feeling sick and my stomach churning and removing everything I seem to eat has more to do with the exhaustion than anything else. I wonder if my immune system has given me a sort of “two weeks’ notice” and is trying to flush all the crap out of my and reboot my system, so to speak.
I’m eating a mango at the moment. I had some pasta shells and Parmesan cheese tonight. I also grilled one of the kangaroo fillet steaks that Dad had bought today. I’m not sure whether raw roo normally has a slightly odd smell to it, but this did. It tasted fine, though.
If I get food poisoning and become ill or die from eating the roo however, there’s still a juices from the piece of meat sitting on a piece of aluminium foil in the grill for testing purposes.
I’m probably worrying too much and I probably just need a good nights’ rest.
But there is the problem with hypochondria. What if I am right… what if I die… what if I fall ill?
Well, if I do… at least this blog would’ve told you so.