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I Want That Game! (Really, I don’t)


It figures that someone would do it. They’re doing it and doing it and doing it well, and by doing it and doing it and doing it well, I don’t mean that [url=]they’re chiming in to LL Cool J’s style of rhymes[/url]… they — the people who make video games — are making yet another game based off of a television source that will no doubt suck.

Let’s just look at the tally before we proceed, shall we?

[b]CSI: Crime Scene Investigation: [/b] 4, if we include the CSI Miami game. Interesting idea making a point & click adventure with the CSI feel… but the games are apparently too easy… and not very forensic-y. Maybe next time they’d like to try more a combination of [url=]Touch Detective[/url], [url=]Phoenix Wright[/url], and [url=]Trauma Centre[/url].
[b]Law & Order: [/b] Look, it’s like the CSI games… only it sucks more.
[b]Desperate Housewives: [/b] I haven’t tried this one yet but damn… it doesn’t look very good.
[b]ER: [/b] There’s been one game. Let’s keep it that way.
[b]Star Trek: [/b] There have been quite a lot of Star Trek games… [url=]58, it seems[/url] (and that list doesn’t even include the portable game that just came out, Tactical Assault).
I’ll say that I’ve bought and liked quite a few. I’ve also disliked most. Some of my favourite ones were and still are A Final Unity, Starfleet Command 3, Armada, Elite Force 1 & 2 and Bridge Commander… and while the premises of some of the games and even some of the extra options in them was interesting games like Borg, Klingon, DS9: The Fallen, Away Team, and Generations ultimately sucked. I’m beginning to play Harbinger now after wanting it when I was a kid and only finding it recently (it doesn’t have the most fantastic gameplay and kinda reminds me of The Journeyman series of games, but the story seems like it’s quite decent).
[b]The Simpsons: [/b] This is much like the Star Trek series of games… I think I’ve liked Hit & Run and the original The Simpsons arcade game (who didn’t spend hours pumping coins into that game in their childhood) but since there have been [url=,-1/q,the%20simpsons/showOnly,9/]well over 2 games based off[/url] of The Simpsons material… that’s not exactly the best ratio.

That’s not even half of it… I would be here for ages listing the stuff since they’ve been making games based off of licensed properties for ages. There are even listings for [url=]the top 10 best[/url] and [url=]worst games based off of movies[/url] to come out.

Also, we’re not going to include the [url=]multitude of game show games[/url] because… they’re already games just developed for an interactive level.

Okay… so now that I’ve built that up… what TV show are they about to make into what will no doubt be a bad video game…

[b]And the winner is…[/b]

[url=]Little Britain!!![/url]

And the crowd goes wild with relief, anger, gay village pride, and wheelchair envy!!!

Seriously though… who wants to bet the ad campaign will have some use of the phrase “I want that one”.

Be elite with your beats!

So I’ve been playing a game for the past day or so called “Elite Beat Agents”. I imagine there’s an article like “the” which is supposed to come before the title “Elite Beat Agents”, but I’ll be damned if I can see one… anyway, EBA is basically [url=]Dance Dance Revolution[/url] for the Nintendo DS.

Don’t know DDR? Okay… what about [url=]Guitar Hero[/url]? Every bloody generation, there’s a new version of these games for the new consoles. Not very hard in principle, but definitely fun puzzlers.

Anyway, the game is basically an electronic comic with music. That doesn’t really make a lot of sense so I guess I’ll explain it as such:

The game has three guys which look like they’re from a division of the [url=]Men In Black[/url]. Let’s just say that these MIB-Wannabe’s actually come from an elite division of hip-hop-funky-freestyler-dancers called the Elite Beat Agency. Their mission is this… to help people out of completely fucked up situations by… dancing.

Oh yeah, I know that when I’m trying to impress chicks, there’s nothing I like more than three suited men to come along and start bustin’ some beats to jiving music to help me win her heart. Except they’d go home with them. All three of them. Fuck. My girlfriend has just gone home with three of the EBA’s. Now that would be one fucked up orgy. It’d sound good, though.

Anyway, you as an EBA, get sent to help these people in their problems… like helping a taxi driver speed to a hospital because the girl in the backseat is about to give birth on the fucking leatherette, and you just had that shit waxed. Or helping a weatherlady-mum make the rain go away because she promised her son that she’d go on a picnic with him. Or even helping a future-car-owner get back the plans for making their new kickass car from the Moo Moo bloody car maker that competes with them… by using your ninja skills.

[b]Remember kids: you can use your ninja skills to get almost anything done these days. Why you can even open jars with them![/b]

Anyway, when you arrive on the scene, [url=]you’ll be busting bubbles with numbers in them[/url] and spinning random wheels around all to the beats of your favourite songs.

And when I say your favourite songs, I really mean Inis’ and Nintendo’s favourite songs. All that said, [url=]the soundtrack is actually really good[/url], with music coming from artists like the Stray Cats, Ashlee Simpson, Jamiroquai, Earth Wind & Fire, and more.

So it works like this: you hear the song, and you hit the number as it corresponds to a beat. It’s actually more complicated than that, and one of the quibbles I have with this game (especially the last level in it) is that the numbers and bubbles aren’t actually occurring where the beat structure should be. As a musician, this is pissing me off and I’m sitting here attacking the console with a tenacity that’d make Furious George want to go back to being Curious George again.

But here’s the clincher: [i]it actually doesn’t get boring.[/i]

As much as I’d like to give this game up, it’s replay factor has you constantly just wanting to beat it or not give up on things you suck at. It’s got a great soundtrack and I just want to get better at the tracks I’m not getting, or play the ones I’ve got so I can play them again.

The themes in this game are actually pretty interesting as well.

You see, they’ve got Manga comics with different stories of the events you’re sent in to help with (with your wild-assed beat munching, of course) and the events actually match the events to a degree.

For instance, when you’re [url=]beating up your console when Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September” is on[/url] (and it feels sped up to me), you’re the mum trying to get a sunny day so she and her son (and sun) can go on a picnic…

…and when you’re a sea-captain who’s been cast off of your ship and you can’t find any treasures (so the EBA come and help you), [url=]you’re actually playing The Village People’s “YMCA”[/url].

[b]Wait… what?![/b]

Ok… I’m not actually sure if Inis, the developers, purposely linked up The Village People with a story about seamen, but that’s the only linker I can come up with…

Anyway, it sounds great, looks great, plays great… it’s just one of those games that is great.

To me, it rates up there as one of the better DS games on the market. Definitely something to look at even if you’re not normally a rhythm gamer.