A few weeks ago, I went out with Mum and my brother to get my Mum a scarf for her late-birthday present.
On that trip, I did get my Mum a scarf, but I also saw a hat I had to own. BJ would’ve called it an impulse buy.
Mind you, it wasn’t so impulsive as I looked at it with Mike & Mum at the French Connection store when Mike was thinking of getting a jumper for his birthday. I even took a picture of it and sent it to Dee to see what she’d think of me in the hat.
Would it work with me?
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/05-FcukMe-01.jpg[/img]
[i]This is the same image I sent Dee… so tell me, if you knew me and knew what I look like, without seeing me in it, would you think it would be a good buy for me?[/i]
Beej would’ve been proud as feeling that $30 wasn’t bad for this nice hat and thinking it not only suited me but would be a lot better than my Stitch! hat and my FREAK hat, or at least more stylish than the both of them, I proudly shelled out thirty of my hard-earned but usually delayed dollars and bought this new hat. This “trilby” hat.
And a good thing I bought it then too as they’d only come in that day and when I bought mine, there was only one remaining.
Anyway, upon wandering around the store while my brother and Mum looked at stuff, I saw something on their underwear that interested me.
A warning.
[img]https://www.leighlo.com/uploads/random/2007/05-FcukMe-02.jpg[/img]
In case you’re hard of eyesight, it reads as follows:
[b]FRENCH CONNECTION HEALTH WARNING:
this product could seriously improve your sex life[/b]
Just… wow. I mean wow. Wearing that underwear [i]could[/i] seriously improve my sex life.
Shit, you know. Like… shit. My sex life is pretty fucking dismal, being as good as a petrol pump in a self-service area, [i]could[/i] their underwear seriously improve my sex life? Shit, it would be hard to make it worse. I mean hell, if their underwear suddenly made my penis say “Well fuck this… I’m moving to a nation where I’m actually going to be used by someone other than yourself” and severed all ties to me well then yeah… maybe it could worsen my sex life. And then my balls wouldn’t feel all loved anymore and they’d go hangout in someones mouth, or at least by an ass.
Anyway, I’m getting off-topic… whatever topic I was on in the first place.
But if these underwear could improve my sex life, I wouldn’t be able to claim any real personal victories would I?
If I suddenly improved my confidence ten-fold or gained a shit load of muscle and ended up looking like Australia’s Next Top Stupid-Ass Model and as a result got laid or at least had my dick sucked, well geeze… I guess I wouldn’t be able to claim it for myself. Someone might ask “How is it you can go from being a random blogger that occasionally makes people laugh to someone who gets laid at least once a decade,” and I’d have to go… “Well, I tell ya what. It has NOTHING to do with me and EVERYTHING to do with my underwear.”
Not that I’m going to buy any pairs of them. I mean, shit… I’ve gone for gimmicks before, but not only is this gimmick more a marketing ploy (well duh) than anything else, but they’re also not making any promises.
Because really, if they were to use a “will” instead of a “could”, there’d probably be some random person with a French Connection UK shirt on that you’d have to phone up to come over so they can give you a blowjob and then give you the worst fcuking of your life. And they’d be loose. Loose as cottage cheese. In fact, their vagina would be like cottage cheese. It would smell and would be all white from the amount of losers who believed the marketing ploy and forced that store to come through.
So you’d be there with that cottage cheese vagina thinking to yourself “what did I do to deserve this?” and then, as you looked down on the sad state of lactose-controlled affairs that your sex life has taken a turn for, you’d see the slogan on the box of underwear you recently bought for yourself and you could say… thanks.
Thanks for showing me how to fcuk cottage cheese.