Poor maybe? Pathetic?
Either of those will work.
You know what bothers me… services like RedHotPie.
Don’t get me wrong, they don’t bother me per se. I have no problem with a site primarily designed to act as an intermediary for people who want to form relationships with the primary purpose of being to sleep with one another. I completely support that, and if girls were actually attracted to me in said way, I’d be all for a relationship or a primarily sexual relationship so, if anything, I could gauge myself through the regular display of sexual freedom and experimentation that people are supposed to go through in the first place.
My problem with RedHotPie is the business model that it runs on.
You see, RedHotPie is a social networking pimp. It’s like MySpace, but with a business model where you pay it to connect you with other people that you hope will have sex with you. Or go to parties with you. Or do “things” to.
So it’s MySpace without the friends, ads, incredible amount of bugs, and with a requirement that you pay them money to connect with others.
Except for that the payment scheme is anywhere between $49 and $100 for one month. Granted, the $100 a month means you’re sending a lot of messages out to various people, and truth be told, if you’re operating the site that heavily, you’re probably really getting no action on any scene and hoping to here OR you really do have no life and you need the extra cash. Or you could just be addicted to sex. Who the fuck knows, really.
And here I am. I get random flirts from [url=http://www.redhotpie.com.au/contacts/members/popupMember.asp?member_id=1175134569787]girls who are hot[/url]. [url=http://www.redhotpie.com.au/contacts/members/popupMember.asp?member_id=1172826917324]Really hot[/url]. Even [url=http://www.redhotpie.com.au/contacts/members/popupMember.asp?member_id=1173057671373]thirty year-old hot[/url].
And I’m debating whether or not to join up because of the price.
So if I [url=http://www.redhotpie.com.au/memberships/default.asp]look at the $49 scheme[/url] (which I can get for $140 for the entire year! Wowieee!!!), I’m still not getting a whole lot of value for my dollar. I mean fuck, RedHotPie are basically a tech-savvy pimp. There really isn’t any other way to put this. They are a pimp controlled by a Microsoft ASP system.
Cool. So we know what they are.
But for that price, there’s no guarantee I’m going to get laid. There’s no guarantee I’m going to engage in a threesome or get a blow job or even find the prettiest girl of my dreams who can match my mind and then scratch & bite the living fuck out of me when engaged in the physical act of fucking each others brains out.
Further, if a guarantee for Australia’s Web Pimp was put in place that you would get fucked by at least one person, surely there should be some sort of a warranty and a claims department, as in:
Me: She didn’t make me orgasm. Can I get my money back?
[i]Response: We here at RedHotPie do not give money back for failed sexual appetites by any of our members.
Instead, please fill out a “Sexual Needs & Claims Form” and we’ll try to help you as best as we can.[/i]
or…
Me: Hi. We ended up having a lot of sex and I’m grateful for helping the RedHotPie service in that regard… but I later found out that my fuck-buddy that you hooked me up with was a knife-wielding psychopath… and while that initially turned me on at first, I must admit, having my penis lopped off in a fit of sexual passion isn’t what I wanted. What do I do?
[i]Response: We here at RedHotPie do not give money back for failed sexual experiences nor are we able to pay for any medical expenses they may or may not have been causes by an action as a result of any of our members.
Instead, please fill out a “Sexual Needs & Claims Form” and we’ll try to help you as best as we can.[/i]
On second thought, perhaps the whole issue with providing a “service” might be a little too much for RedHotPie to offer. I mean, they can’t force a member to have sex with another member in a certain time period.
What if that person has scales? And a fish head attached like a dead fetus to their penis. Or vagina.
Actually, fuck the vagina. Literally. Anyone who can’t get laid and is debating whether or not to have sex with a girl who has a fish-head-fetus stuck to their vagina has obviously run out of condoms.