Yes, it’s my 50th blog ever on this new blogging system being run on the terrific platform that is Serendipity! Woohoo!
We’re having a party too! Yeah! A party! A big one! Streamers and soda and silicon-based-lifeforms! Yeah! It’s me and a Geforce 2 MX baby! Why? Because no one else showed up.
How fucking typical is that.
I send out the invites like 5 minutes before my 50th blog party and no one shows up.
Not even the mailman.
But he never shows up.
Our street is demented. He shows up basically every second or third day with mail and skips the rest. What the fuck is that?
Anyway, I figured that my 50th blog [i]shouldn’t[/i] be about sex. I’m not really sure why, honestly. Just felt a change could be had… even if pretty much every other post I make is about sex.
Even the one that I’ll make after this will probably be about sex.
But let me not digress for I have some nifty links for you to check out that you might have otherwise missed if you were, say, stuck in the middle of a tennis match or having hot freaky sex with your girl or your boy or David Schwimmer or an orgy-mutha-fuckin-gangbang with all of them.
That would just be sick.
Anyway, because I’m much too odd to just write the links in a list format, I’m going to write them in an odd children’s story.
Yes, I — Leigh D. Stark– certify that you can tell the following children’s story to your children provided they’ve had all their shots, are entirely insane, and are having more sex than I am. Otherwise, I am not to be held responsible for the mass chaos and anarchy rampage that they’ll go on approximately 10 minutes after you’re done reading them this story (once all the subliminal messages sink in, of course).
[url=http://englishrussia.com/?p=471]A stone mouse[/url] went to the bank to pull out money one day. He’d been saving up all year for a mail-order bride. You see, his mail-order bride was none other than the [url=http://www.engadget.com/2006/11/18/optimus-103-keyboard-pre-orders-start-december-12/]flashy new Optimus keyboard[/url] and he’d never had a wife. He was known on the block as being the only mouse who was always constantly rock hard. Of course, he was a rock… which explained why he was so hard. Anyway, after fucking all the Desperate Housemice, he was in need of a partner who could live with his two bizarre needs: a [url=http://www.imsdb.com/]penchant for collecting scripts[/url] and an ever burning need to [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcXLE-wvVBw]watch that video about the poor little Kiwi bird[/url] on a daily basis.
So as he made his way to the bank, there was a long line. [url=http://au.gamespot.com/pages/profile/show_blog_entry.php?topic_id=m-100-24769673&user=TimSpot]A really long line.[/url] He thought that naturally, everyone else must be going to the bank to get money out for it was the holiday season. But as the hours went on and the stone mouse grew tired, he finally made it to what he thought was the bank, he opened his eyes and looked up and saw… a store selling Playstation 3’s?! He’d spent his time in line for something else!
And that was when he noticed [url=http://www.hobbiesplus.com.au/signspotters/Quick%20Sand%20Sign.jpg]the sign[/url]. No, not that sign. The sign that said [url=http://au.gamespot.com/news/6162090.html]Taco Bell were going to give away a lifetime supply of tacos[/url] to the first person who donated a PS3. ‘Well… that is a good cause, I guess,’ thought the stone mouse.
But look! A whole bevy of [url=http://www.sexydesktop.co.uk/]hot women[/url] have just had their bus stop at the same Taco Bell across the road. ‘Why, they’d like a man who was into charity!,’ the stone mouse thought. “And they were real women! Why, they’d even have a vagina! A vagina I — as a stone mouse — could snuggle up inside and would always stay warm and cozy!” he said out loud, unaware that for those few thoughts, he’d actually been speaking them and not thinking them.
He rushed inside and snapped up the last of the Playstation 3’s and then high-tailed it out of there to donate the newly bought badly designed and overpriced console to the restaurant chain. Upon entering Taco Bell, he was greeting with no less than 50 models and actresses… all of whom were standing around in boredom obviously waiting for someone to help them and entertain them.
The stone mouse held the overpriced BluRay drive over his head and yelled in a thundering squeaky voice “I HAVE WHAT YOU WANT!”
All the women turned around to greet the mouse.
Ten minutes later, the bus was all packed with the hot women plus one extra… the stone mouse. His Taco Bell dollars were packed in the back of the bus and he was already being greeted to his new home…
[b]And the moral of the story is… donate a Playstation 3 to Taco Bell and get vagina AND unlimited tacos!*[/b]
[i]*Not guaranteed. Anywhere. On Earth. Try a different planet.[/i]
Well there you have it. A story.
Shit. It was about sex.
Goddamn it.
I can’t go one post without making a reference to sex.
Fuck. I did it again.