About a month ago, I did one of those irritating little surveys because there was a possible prize… a possible free 12 month subscription to some sort of wine club in Australia all for just filling out this survey and answering a neat little playful question in 25 words or less: What name would you give to your winery? (or something to that effect)…
I took the survey and gave my answer of “The Curious Epicurean” and this morning, while I was enjoying the random bliss of my REM cycles, I awoke to my phone ringing with someone asking me if I was Leigh.
“Yes,” I told them. I doubt I sound groggy when I wake up, even when I’ve had only five hours of sleep like this time. I sound like I’ve been awake usually. It’s only when I can impress upon someone some sense of sympathy that I expect my brain puts a bit of croakiness into my voice.
Anyway, the forty- or fifty-something lady on the phone was telling me that because I’d done this survey recently, I would be the recipient of a free 12-month subscription to a wine company.
Geeze, what a fucking brilliant way to wake up (sort of) on a Friday morning.
It was on Thursday though, and because it was a Thursday something must have been up.
I began to realise something was indeed “up” when she began to go on and on about the sort of stuff that was to be included in the package as if she were trying to sell me something.
‘Hang on,’ I thought to myself groggily, ‘I’ve won this haven’t I? Why am I the victim of an irritating marketing spiel. Shouldn’t she just be saying some sort of congratulations and sending the first batch of wine my way instead of asking me questions like “Do you get out to the vineyards often?” followed by some neato promotional crap about how there’ll be some guides for what you should eat and some coupons for where you should stay as well as the Recommended Retail Price of it all?
And yes, I think groggily. My voice doesn’t take long to warm up. Neither does my brain, but it would like to think it does so it boots up rather groggily, hence why I think to myself in some sort of a groggy fashion.
I was even being told that the wines I was to be sent were of the fifty buck variety and that I would be getting them for half price.
–Wait what?! I was getting a free 12-month subscription to this wine program were I not?
Well yes… but I would have to pay around $25 per bottle for shipping.
I hung up pretty abruptly after that.
Evil pricks. How dare they tempt a tired me with free wine when there’s actually a big fucking asterisk full of terms and conditions hovering over the offer. They should say “Is this Leigh? Well, we have a free 12 month subscription with a fuck load of terms and conditions if you’re interested, enough to make it so that it’s no longer free and that you’ll be overcharged for what we’ll tell you is good wine but has been drained from the bottom of the spit bucket.”
Still, if I ever approach any winery named “The Curious Epicurean” I’m going to have to ask them exactly how they came up with that name, and if it has something to do with a survey about a wine club, I’m going to insist they dig up this blog and give me some free wine.
I went back to sleep shortly after.