This week, CERN will be activating their Large Hadron Collider, a device that will likely show us how our universe was created and piss off Christians & Creationists at the same time.
That’s brilliant. I love any device that can teach us something and piss off religious right wing idiots. That’s fucking brilliant.
It also comes with the added bonus of having a slight possibility that turning it on – which happens on Wednesday – might destroy us all and turn the Earth into a giant puddle of goo.
Goo! Goo I tell you!
That said, in an interview I had with Professor Tony Doyle last year, one of the scientists working at CERN (we spoke about a different matter), you’ve got a greater chance of getting sucked into a black hole while shaving than you have in being turned into a gelatinous slime ball as a result of the switch being flicked.
Not like you’d be any the wiser, though.
Still, people have been complaining, sending death threats, and generally acting like idiots all in an effort to stop CERN from throwing that big shiny particle accelerator switch that might end their lives.
It’s a monumental occasion and the idiots will be ignored but I feel compelled to point out that one minor miscalculation and it’s all over.
One minor mistake and CERN’s Large Hadron Collider becomes
Ron Jeremy’s Large Hardon Collider
Yes, that’s right. One minor mistake by moving a letter “r” to left one place and the giant tube belonging to science becomes the property of one man whose member goes against any and every understanding for what is seen as physical science.
Ron Jeremy’s Large Hardon Collider… who wants to see it?
Ssshhh… no need to raise your hands. I know you all want to see it. Geeze…