All posts tagged dating sites

Where do you find girls?: A round up of options for men

Now that my brain has well and truly kicked itself into practical and horny gear – a state of mind I'd have hoped for years ago and is making me a lot happier – I only have one question:

Where do you find girls?

Being a guy doesn't come with a manual or an FAQ, something of which would come in really handy. There aren't any tip guides or counselors telling you which place to go to or what sites to visit if you'd like to moisten your rocket in thick screaming pleasure.

Short of the obvious answer – porn – there isn't a lot for a guy to do.

Oh sure, I could spend my time in a club painfully working up the courage to speak to the right girl, buying them drinks, and then having it end oh so terribly when she decides to go home with the guy who sat across from you the entire time making eyes for her and didn't have to pitch in a single cocktail.

Yes, that sort of shit happens.

So I just really want to know where I find girls. Continue Reading

I got laid! (Seriously, it’s a big thing.)

If the title didn't give it away cleanly (or dirtily, mrooowwww), then the following loud and proud bold while told text definitely will:

I GOT LAID!!!

Yes. I know. I'm as surprised as you are. Especially those of you who wandered here by accident while attempting to find the International Community for the Relief Of Starvation and Suffering. You're all probably wondering why it's important that I tell people I got laid. Well… it isn't. Except it does make me quite happy!

…and now you probably want to know the details.

Well… it all started with…

Continue Reading

Damn you RHP. Damn you to hell.

While I sit here and download ridiculously large amounts of porn as if my hands were the vaginal lips and the web was a massive studded vibrator, I realise that I'm probably going to shell out another random 50 bucks for another even more random subscription to RedHotPie.

Not that it did anything last time. I met a girl once and nothing resulted. 

Hell, we rarely speak at all and we didn't even have sex. Geeze.

I can talk to girls in real life but I can't seem to get any of them remotely interested in me for anything other than the words I have to say.

Or my Santa hat.

*sigh* 

Red Hot Predicament

As I stand here over the radiator heater no doubt burning my balls off and making this blog entry entirely useless in the long run (it's cold outside), I can't help but think of the predicament I find myself in with the "dating" service I recently decided to pay a subscription for. Well, that and the fact that I'm probably ruining my back and ass muscles by leaning over the heater to the keyboard to type this blog. What I need is a keyboard stand so I can burn my testicles with heat while I type without the back strain.

I'm getting off topic and it's only the first paragraph. Sheesh.

Anyway, the predicament I find myself in concerns RedHotPie, the "dating" site I just started paying for because my chances with girls — real girls (as opposed to fake girls) — seems to be smaller than your chance of winning lottery. Shit, you oughta buy yourself a lottery ticket!

So I'm there and I'm sending girls messages and flirts and the messages are personal with messages about how gorgeous they are or how interesting they sound, but really, I know I'm probably fucking this up just as badly as I would in real life. The problem with the way I write is it's exactly the same as the way I speak. I speak the way I write and I write the way I speak. And in this case this is problematic because…

I have no fucking clue how to speak to girls.

Seriously, what did you expect?

Now it could be that the people might not be getting the messages. I mean RedHotPie has just gone through an upgrade from the ASP to the ASPX platform which has made it worse and I probably have Murphy's Law on my side (which is a bad thing) giving me as many bugs as it can muster.

Still, I can't help but think that my lack of responses has to do with my inability to speak to women. Girls. Females. 

Grills I can speak to. I speak their language. Take a slab of meat, heat it up, use a spatula to flip it. Sizzle sizzle sizzle. Grills I get.

Girls I don't. "Hi… err… I'm Leigh… excuse me while I migrate to the closest corner where I can pretend to know what's going on while I watch all the other guys get with you…"

So this is my plan. I have a subscription to a site that encourages "dating"… and by "dating" I mean "fucking" because really, RHP is little more than a community to get people fucking. And I'm all for that… provided I get fucked and not by the service.

So this is my plan. Really. I'm going to say it this time. I'm not going to go off on a tangent and follow my statements with random crap that– bugger. I've done it again. Rightio. Third time's a charm.

So this is my plan: I want you to leave comments for me with ideas for what I should say in these messages to get the girls interested in me.

That's it. That's my brilliant plan. I need your help.

And with my track record of comment pulling on this site, I might just be able to send a message with that edumacation in… oh… six months… if I'm lucky… and getting lucky is the very point of this whole thing.

One of these days I'll learn how to speak to girls. Until then, I'll just have to settle for grills.

Sizzle sizzle. Sizzle sizzle.