All posts in The Universe

32cm Soft Serve (Really, really big ice cream)

My brother decided to show me something a little different today after we had dinner at Ramen Kan.

What follows is big. 

I mean big. Really big. Big as in "this could seriously look like you're carrying it around making up for something you don't have if you're a guy".

You know… if you're cynical like that… which I of course am.

In any case, I now present to you the 32cm Soft Serve…

Click on the image to see it (disturbingly) bigger!

That is one big ice cream, and at $2.70 it doesn't taste too bad either (you know, for soft serve, that is).

That picture actually isn't quite 32cm because by that time, I'd already eaten a little bit off of the top. It's bloody close though. Disturbingly close.

I think they should have offered a mint version or an apple one or something because – with a little bit of green – it could look just like a Christmas tree! 

In any case, if you want a 32cm Soft Serve, head to the convenience store next to Hungry Jacks on George St. in Sydney. 🙂

Giant Piece of Shit Wreaks Havoc! (Rook! Shitzirra!)

This is one of those sorts of things where you go "must be a lie, a joke, a something" but lo behold… it's now.

For your entertainment… 

"A giant inflatable dog turd created by the American artist Paul McCarthy was blown from its moorings at a Swiss museum, bringing down a power line and breaking a window before landing in the grounds of a children’s home."

Not my image. Looking for credit details at the moment. Assuming it's from the gallery where this was set up. "Complex Shit" by Paul McCarthy.

Source: Never Slap The Gift Donkey

Just imagine the sort of terror it would create.

"What is that piece of shit flying through the sky?"

"The shit is officially in the air!!!"

"Aggh!!! Rook! Shitzirra!"

Seriously, you'd hate for a giant flying piece of poo to fly over your home so while you're laughing your ass off and scouring the web for some footage of this thing (and if you find it, leave a comment here so the rest of us can die of agonising laughter too), think of the children who had to endure this brilliant piece of art knocking out the window of their childcare facility.

And then think of how much psychology the parents will have to put their kids through to convince them shit does not indeed fly and that they need to stop behaving like monkeys and keep their fecal matter to themselves. 

Ron Jeremy’s Large Hardon Collider

This week, CERN will be activating their Large Hadron Collider, a device that will likely show us how our universe was created and piss off Christians & Creationists at the same time.

That’s brilliant. I love any device that can teach us something and piss off religious right wing idiots. That’s fucking brilliant.

It also comes with the added bonus of having a slight possibility that turning it on – which happens on Wednesday – might destroy us all and turn the Earth into a giant puddle of goo.

Goo! Goo I tell you!

That said, in an interview I had with Professor Tony Doyle last year, one of the scientists working at CERN (we spoke about a different matter), you’ve got a greater chance of getting sucked into a black hole while shaving than you have in being turned into a gelatinous slime ball as a result of the switch being flicked.

Not like you’d be any the wiser, though.

Still, people have been complaining, sending death threats, and generally acting like idiots all in an effort to stop CERN from throwing that big shiny particle accelerator switch that might end their lives.

It’s a monumental occasion and the idiots will be ignored but I feel compelled to point out that one minor miscalculation and it’s all over.

One minor mistake and CERN’s Large Hadron Collider becomes

Ron Jeremy’s Large Hardon Collider

Click on the image to see Ron Jeremy surrounded by a sexy Large Hardon Collider!

Yes, that’s right. One minor mistake by moving a letter “r” to left one place and the giant tube belonging to science becomes the property of one man whose member goes against any and every understanding for what is seen as physical science.

Ron Jeremy’s Large Hardon Collider… who wants to see it?

Ssshhh… no need to raise your hands. I know you all want to see it. Geeze…

The Good Doctor

I can't contain my excitement!

The final Doctor Who episodes for the season have Rose, Martha, Donna, Captain Jack, the rest of the team from Torchwood who didn't die, Sarah Jane Smith… or whatever her name was… and from the looks of it, all the big bad villains from this year!

Fucking brilliant that is!

My dreams suck.

I had a dream last night that I was mugged.

Regular people dream about sex or shopping or fantasies. Walking through the forest with their mates, staring at girls, having lustful events, going to Disneyland. Not specifically in that order or at the same time. You get the picture.

I dream about having the crap kicked out of me for my shoes.

That's right. My shoes. The muggers stole my bloody shoes.

Started taking their shoes off and took mine instead.

What the bloody hell is wrong with my brain that I get to dream about people beating the crap out of me for my footwear instead of having sex with girls?!