If a SuicideGirl liked my jawline…

…you fucking bet I’d go home with her.

Let me just say immediately that the [url=http://www.tv.com/csi-ny/oedipus-hex/episode/850129/summary.html?tag=episodes;title;1&om_act=convert&om_clk=episodessh]CSI: New York episode of recent[/url] seemed more like a giant advertisement for the [url=http://suicidegirls.com/]SuicideGirls.com[/url] website than about a CSI team from New York who solve crimes through forensic investigations.

Not that I have a problem with that.

More power to the SuicideGirls as I’d have no problem ever endorsing them. It’s good photography, gorgeous women, and well… yeah… you just have to look at them, don’t you…

But come on… the writers of that show could’ve at the very least let the cop go home with the SuicideGirl.
It’s not like we would have thought any less of them. That’d be hard. The stories that CSI: New York has aren’t exactly anywhere as compelling as Las Vegas’ ones, nor is NY’s cast. Both are better than CSI: Miami, but that wouldn’t be hard.

All of this aside, I have a question: are there any SuicideGirls in Australia that want to go out with me?

This isn’t desperation, I just want to see what the fuss is about.
I happen to like tattoos (I won’t get one) and piercings (of which I have none) and funky hair colours & styles (I’ve got none of either since my hair is more like ass-hair than head-hair once I started going bald).

So, if you’re a SuicideGirl and you’d like to meet an ass-hair-freak… well… holla… or something.

Maybe I just really need to go out more.

Master Chief, this can only be good news…

[i]Master Chief sir, news from the front line!
It appears as Universal and Fox have lost interest in you, sir!
Between all the aliens and warthogs with flat tires, they weren’t incredibly happy with the hiring of an unknown director by the name of Neill Blomkamp nor were they impressed with Microsoft being as greedy as them!
Sir, I just want to say that–

[b]BLAM! BLAM! BLAM![/b]

Sorry sir, I won’t raise my hand again when you’re firing at an enemy. I know you’re not much of a talker, Master Chief, what with HQ being all tight-lipped about what to expect in [url=http://www.bungie.net/Games/Halo3/]your third outing[/url] as well as [url=http://www.halowars.com/]your command detail[/url], but next time when I raise my arm to salute you, could you not blow it off with your gun. I mean, I know there won’t be a next time as while I stand here speaking in pain with blood gushing out of one shoulder socket, but sir, what I was going to say is that this can only be a good thing.


Sir, you’re right sir! I don’t need either of my legs and will be absolutely fine being a stumpy torso with one arm and a head for the rest of my life. I meant to say before you removed me of my unnecessary parts that if you look at the past history of video game movies with [url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108255/]Super Mario Brothers[/url], [url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106761/]Double Dragon[/url], [url=http://www.imdb.com/keyword/mortal-kombat/]the Mortal Kombat films[/url], [url=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419706/]Doom[/url], and every single incarnation of a video game movie [url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0093051/]that Uwe Boll seems to ruin[/url], you should consider yourself lucky that the audiences around the world won’t have to see a bad translation of your wonderful character, sir!
I’ll just make… err… stump jumps… I guess… back to HQ, sir! Could anyone give me a lift?! Anyone?![/i]

Seriously, smart move Universal & Fox.

Now the rest of the world needs to listen and whoever the hell funds Uwe Boll movies needs to stop killing video game fanatics dreams by letting him make movies.

What I find odd about the [url=http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117952317.html?categoryid=13&cs=1]article from Variety[/url] informing about this news tidbit is that no one at Variety seems to know how to stay within one set of name spellings for the directory of the currently-expired production.

[quote]As word of the U and Fox exit spread, speculation centered around the inexperience of “Halo” helmer Neill Blomkamp, a 27-year-old first-time feature director.

“Everybody is supremely confident in Neal,” Kamins said. “Part of what excited Peter and Fran was Neal’s vision. We’re very confident this film will move forward with the creative partners intact, who will take the film to production.” [/quote]

Neill… Neal… Neill… Neal… one of them! Pick one for your article!
[url=http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0088955/]Check IMDB![/url] [url=http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=Neill+Blomkamp&btnG=Search&meta=]Do something Variety![/url]
Do something that isn’t sitting on your backsides pretending you know the movie business if you can’t spell someone’s fucking name!

Actually, with Fox and Universal pulling out, it doesn’t mean that Halo is dead. Far from it as Peter Jackson’s digital effects teams will still end up working on the flick, which probably means that Halo will have more CGI than the Lord Of The Rings series. How you get more CGI than LOTR, I have no idea.

Why not just give Halo to Disney and let Master Chief and Stitch terrorise the fucking world. I mean, what with Master Chief and Stitch, no one would fuck with the human race again. And the aliens might learn from Stitch.

It could be a sort of make-shift exchange program.

Well just call me Toshi!

It’s [url=http://youtube.com/watch?v=Kyf_vqg-46U]videos like this[/url] that need to be distributed to Family First groups & the Christian Coalition.

In fact, send it to schools. Make versions for schools in various countries… Russia, Korea, Italy… fuck… anywhere. And let’s make an English version teaching us how to say similar phrases when we’re in different countries.

It’s shit like that that has to help geeks like me find more ways to get laid.

I use the word “more” in place of the word “any” or the article “a”.
In our cases, it’d just be beneficial to our mental health.

For instance, if I were overseas and I tried the language out and something came out like “I give good head,” it’s possible that I might just be able to show the girl that, praying that of course it was a girl (and one my age-ish).

See, this is what sex education should be.

Sex education should teach someone how to get laid, not what the specifics of actually having sex are.
I mean fuck. Exactly. Fuck. How hard is it to figure out?

Between the Internet, softcore and hardcore porn, and natural human instincts (between men wanting to shove their Meccano sets into anything that has a hole without something occupying that space and women getting an aptitude for lying and smoking at the same time), it’s not ridiculously hard to figure out how to have sex with a person.

Shit, if you’re at the point where you’re making out with someone, your hand is grabbing their ass, undoing their belts and their jeans and gradually getting all their clothes off, I’d venture a guess and say that while you may very well suck at having sex (and suck at giving head), you probably have an idea of what you’re supposed to do.

And if you don’t, there’s probably a track on the latest Panic At The Disco album to help you out.

Marked with an X… or an I… or something

In case anyone is attempting to understand my brain better, the [url=http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2006/09/29]last panel of this comic[/url] might help you to understand my confusion with a lot of Disney cartoons.

That said, I’d never ask where Stitch’s vagina would be, because he obviously doesn’t have one.

He has two.

One for each chick that stands by his side.

Oh Stitch, you da’ man!!! Sort of.

All night long

I just got a piece of spam that had the subject “Can’t stand sex all night long?”

My immediate thought was ‘Fuck… I wish.’

Seriously, if i ever complain about all-night-long sex, it’s probably time to take me out to the fields to shoot me.

And I don’t mean shooting a cock all over me. That’s just pointless. If I’m already over an all-nighter of sex by that point, then shooting either or both a cock and a cunt at or on or over or whatever me isn’t going to make a lick of a difference.

And neither will licking it.

Seriously. I don’t even know why I’m still up.

I’ve got piss all material to work with at 3.37 am and I should probably head to bed.

I’d love to answer back the person who wrote the message “Can’t stand sex all night long?” and complain to them that it’s not so much that I can’t stand sex all night long, but rather that I can’t get sex all night long. If they could point me in a direction that didn’t involve the changing hands of a monetary value, that’d be appreciated.

Who knows. Spam might be good for something.