I'm only now just learning about a game. For a game reviewer like myself, this is seen as mostly unheard of as I should know about every game.
Me not knowing the game isn't entirely true however as I have heard of it in passing. I know others play it and it's mainly targeted at people aged 13-99. Wide age gap I know, but it's unlike any game I'll ever review.
And since I'm not currently in the midst of reviewing it, I feel the need to write a preview on it. Sure, it's been out for a while but I feel like someone should write a preview of this game based on knowledge and facts and other useful tidbits that Juliet is trying to teach me.
So here it is.
Preview: Hard To Get (Real Life)
Most games have a requirement of some sort of computer or video game system. For instance, Halo 3 currently requires an Xbox 360, Heavenly Sword needs a PlayStation 3, and Supreme Commander makes you suck the lightning out of God's nipples using you as the conduit to power your terribly slow computer.
And then there's one game you can play that doesn't need the highest spec PC or the most expensive and brilliant piece of gaming technology on the planet. All you need to play that game is a passing interest in someone you fancy.
Hard To Get is the game in which you attempt to gain the one you desire, whether that be for a moment, a one night stand, a relationship, or the ultimate achievement score – a life-long relationship like marriage or just happiness.
But it's also a game aimed to confuse the living daylights out of you. You may well be versed in the quick response times of your WASD keys, a mouse, and an itchy trigger finger but can you resist the urge to call?
Indeed it's an interesting parallel, the shift from digital fantasy to absolute reality so let's take a look at some of these so-called rules which even during my preview I'm beginning to wonder why they should even exist.
Call Infrequently
This is one of the first levels of this game and while this is a preview, telling you about the game's structure in this fashion won't even act as a spoiler in the slightest.
When you find that person to play the game with you and you've done that first pre-game part of getting that number, you're asked not to sound too desperate.
Big ask for a geek like you or I, I know, but just bear with me while bludgeon the semantics of this game together. Bludgeon it bloodily while confused.
By not sounding desperate I mean that when he or she asks when you wish to see them, make an excuse that you're busy to make them want you more.
Okay, allow me to pull out one of my dreaded Weapons Of Reviewer Doom. This is The Mace Of Severe & Pointless Points.
Now this might come as a surprise to some people, but somehow I don't quite understand the whole idea of "beating around the bush". Masturbation aside, "beating around the bush" just feels plain old dishonest.
If I want to get to know someone then lying to them about not being busy just makes me look like an ass, or in my mind anyway. So why should it be necessary that I stall and make excuses to stave off the meeting with someone I might eventually fall for?
I'm told by not doing it I will be seen as desperate, but how does desperation present itself when you desire the chance to see someone whom you like?
*beats living hell out of this point with his mace until it's well and truly bloody*
Well, what next…
Don't Compliment Too Often
Women like compliments. In fact, the sexism of that last statement can be damned: everyone likes compliments.
But do it too much and you might be seen as the obsessive-compulsive freak that you know you are but is hoping no one else will pick up on.
I find this odd so I'm unsheathing my Courageous & Careless Compliment Cannon.
If I find someone beautiful, I'm going to say so. Being a man who prefers to write rather than speak, I tend not to know anything really to say so if I say that you're beautiful or some word like it, I'm saying it because I want to. Surely that shouldn't make me any worse than what I am.
*…and with a loud blam, a hole is blown through part of that level*
It just seems odd. Why is there a set of limitations imposed on how many times I can issue a compliment?
*…and with another huge explosion, the rest is blown to smithareens*
These levels don't get any easier. Still, we're now going to take a gander at the next level in this constant game…
Pick Up On Body Language
It's important to know what your opponent is doing in the heat of a battle, even if that opponent is someone you'd like to sleep with and the heat was the sort of heat you hoped would happen as two lovers became entwined.
One way to make sure you know what's going on is to develop skills like ESP and know what they're thinking. For those of us who lack the higher brain wave function that we're unlikely to have for years to come, there's always "body language".
Body language requires the ability to interpret actions and gestures that your gaming partner is making. It can be hard and if you're anything like me, you were born without the ability to interpret this strange and mystical skill.
But you must master this skill to move onto the next level as there are no cheats.
Well, none that I’ve heard of anyway.
Patronising Only Makes You Look Like An Ass…
…and that's fine if you happen to be wearing a wife-beater and you're both currently engaged in a life-long pursuit to see which of you is the greater irritation but for the rest of you, try to resist.
When you're finally in the game, making yourself more of an ass than you normally are is only going to be like lobbing a frag grenade at your genitals.
Sure, it might help to get you laid from someone who likes it when you call them bitch (now smack them, yeah, yeah) but ultimately, behaving like the ass that you is ill-advised.
Learn to be nicer.
I haven’t gotten to play much of this game. I’m hoping to quite soon though I must tell you, the thought of not being myself just to play cat & mouse in the hopes that I can satiate my love & lust desires doesn’t appeal to me. It’s not the sort of game I can see myself playing.
It’s just too… ridiculous. Even for me.