Perusing posts profuse with P

I was originally going to wait to post as we’re currently backing up the site to another server, but if I keep as much random crap that sits simmering in my head any longer, I fear they’ll be serving McBrain at a McDonalds and I won’t be paid any royalties for it.

Figures right?

Still, might not be as bad as [url=http://poststuff5.entensity.net/102606/image.php?pic=found.jpg]this poor sod[/url]. I wonder how many confused old ladies called the ABC station claiming their anchorman was a rapist.

What’s new with you? No, seriously, I want to know.

Ok. Fine then. Don’t tell me.

Geeze, I give you two and a half seconds and you can’t even tell me how you are.

As long as you haven’t been spewing out stupid shit [url=http://au.movies.ign.com/articles/741/741880p1.html]like this guy[/url], you’re probably all right. Of course, that’s probably being really unfair. He’s an idiot, and the entire gaming world seems to have it in for him because of the trash he makes out of otherwise good games. I personally am more annoyed at the stupid producers who fund his shit. Have they ever seen his movies? It’s usually a good sign if a critic hates a gaming movie: it means that the critic isn’t a gamer and has been looking for a film in a game film. It is, however, an absolute awful sign when gamers don’t like the movie made out of a game.

So go Mr. Boll! Go you star, you!

I personally couldn’t care. It’s just something I’ve had floating around in my head. It’d be nice if my head had a flush like a toilet… I could flush all that nasty shit I think about down into the dark depths of my soul.

I would probably keep some of the nasty shit, especially if I’d [url=http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/japanfan/74a3/]found a way to get a girlfriend[/url]. On that off-chance, perhaps some of the nasty shit might be nasty enough to entice her and my imaginations for at least ten minutes.

Optimistic, I know, but I have no idea how early girls will give out. I could be pounding and pounding away… yes, I know that’s not exactly the most romantic thing to say…
[b]”Honey, I plan to make you dinner… then I will bathe you by hand in rose scented water with the finest of natural soaps… and then we will make our way to your bed… WHERE I WILL POUND THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOUR PUSSY! And when your pulsing woman-hood has taken the perfect pulpy pounding primarily provided pristinely by my princely postal pumped penis, I’ll pound it some more until it becomes a plainly plastered plateau of a pink and purple puddle polluted and perplexed with plight and predicament.”[/b]

Anyway, I could be pounding and pounding away with “p”-obsessed poetry and prose and then ten minutes later, while I’m still working out how to operate the bloody thing, I’d hear “whew, I’m done” at which point she’d kiss me and then roll over and fall asleep.

And I’d wonder… should I fake it next time?

It’s not real, but one has to contemplate shit like this. What if it happens?

If it did, I’d have to go into another room and hit the new [url=http://www.xbox360fanboy.com/2006/10/23/new-doax2-trailer-pushes-the-limits/]Dead Or Alive Xtreme 2 trailer[/url] (or just look at the countless amount of porn on my computer).

Seriously, this is a game. I honestly cannot find the game content in this trailer. I am amazed, however, of how much attention to detail they’ve provided in making women’s breasts flop and giggle completely inaccurately. I can only assume that the team of developers in Japan at Team Ninja have never seen an actual woman’s breasts and are praying that the video gaming public who’d play this too haven’t either. They’re probably not wrong, sadly.

Still, from watching the five minute video completely, the visuals are eye-popping, as are the CGI women… but seriously… where the fuck is the game?

So far, I’ve got the following games out of it:
Beach volleyball, rolling around in the sand [i](oh yeah, the kids are really having fun these days rolling around in the sand)[/i], crab tossing [i](and now the next olympic sport… crab tossing!!!– actually, I’ve got a comic I’m preparing which should be up in a few days based off of DOA’s Crab Tossing)[/i], riding in a pool on an inflatable [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shamu]Shamu[/url] [i](amazingly, the inflatable Shamu looks incredible and yet the shadows are pixelated to all buggery)[/i], and sitting on the bum or back of another buxom babe and rubbing sun screen or sun tan lotion into her delicate digital derriere.
Seriously… this is a game?

When this gets released, they should interface this shit [url=http://www.fleshlight.com/main/index.php?]with a Fleshlight[/url]… every straight guy would buy an Xbox 360 and this game, Microsoft stocks would go through the roof, another pointless Dead Or Alive Xtreme game would be commissioned (now with bouncier boobs!), and women everywhere would be dumped for a system that gives men exactly what they want: crab tossing without crabs and sexual gratification without the need to gratify someone else.

Why it’s a match made in heaven!

And then when they’re all dumped, the smart ones like me can go out and console those girls who were dumped by their dumbass boyfriends who play with digital chicks with eyes bigger than their balls.

1 Comment

Submit a Comment
  • Reply

    Leigh D. Stark

    Remember that ad for a TV made by Sony — the Bravia series — where a lot of bouncy balls bounced their bouncy ball butts below the basin of San Francisco (sorry… I couldn’t think of enough words that began with “B”)?

    Well, Sony are back (damnit).

Submit a CommentPlease be polite. We appreciate that.

Your Comment