Leigh :) Stark
spied with his little eye, something beginning with
Posts Tagged ‘Sex’
Describing Sex
Thursday, July 31st, 2008
For those that know me, you know I'm a typically cynical, arrogant, dark, comical, and altogether fucked up individual.
I just thought I'd inform you all that none of that has changed.
What has changed is that I am now more positive… and there is a reason why.
It's called "having sex".
And you might go "oh that's nothing new, I get sex all the time. It's no big deal to me."
Well it is a big deal to me. It shouldn't be but it is.
And now that someone (who just so happens to be incredibly sexy) has had that sex with me… I AM FEELING FUCKING AMAZING.
Tags: Sex
Posted in Sex | 3 Comments »
I got laid! (Seriously, it’s a big thing.)
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
If the title didn't give it away cleanly (or dirtily, mrooowwww), then the following loud and proud bold while told text definitely will:
I GOT LAID!!!
Yes. I know. I'm as surprised as you are. Especially those of you who wandered here by accident while attempting to find the International Community for the Relief Of Starvation and Suffering. You're all probably wondering why it's important that I tell people I got laid. Well… it isn't. Except it does make me quite happy!
…and now you probably want to know the details.
Well… it all started with…
Tags: dating sites, Sex
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The Moral Write
Sunday, June 15th, 2008
It appears that The Moral Right groups or group or random individual with a coat-hanger lodged firmly in their ass are back to their old tricks again… terrorizing local video stores with a black felt tipped marker.
Yes, it's horrifying stuff. Isn't it dreadful to know that in a world filled with hate, anger, and Fergie songs (which tend to provoke even more hate & anger), there's some random wacko with a black pen making sure that you all feel his pent up Bible bashing rage in all its Jesus juicing… jizziness… sorry, I'm out of j words.
Jug.
Jug is all I have right now.
In any case, I saw this in the adult section of my local video store while I was looking to rent a DVD… and before you ask, no I wasn't looking for a nice adult title to go home and molest myself to.
If my mother knew that I was looking at the adult section, she probably wouldn't care.
If I knew I was looking at it, I'd probably beat myself into oblivion. Me rent porn? Shit, I haven't done that since I was 15 or so. And that's not even porn. That's got about as much pornographic as a nature film, less even. R-rated porn lacks the important things like explicit vaginas and the all-important cum shot.
Shit, if my mother knew what I was doing, she'd probably be ashamed at me for renting something so… tame. Blech.
Which is why it got worse when I turned the box over to see what was on the other side.
Jesus weeps for me? I highly doubt it.
Shouldn't Jesus be weeping for the lack of any real substance in those videos? I thought Jesus was a man of substance, of truth, and of praise. There's no substance or truth in those crappy-ass R-rated video store pornos, and without either substance or truth, it really lacks any need for praise. Unless you have praise for the easiest way to get pissed at not having a cum shot. Which I don't praise.
No, I think Jesus weeps for the fact that he's stuck in a section that thinks Atonement is porn.
Seriously, I want to see Keira Knightley naked and in a compromising situation (and by compromising, I mean intimate as all hell) as much as the next guy (and by next guy, I mean Jeremy Clarkson) but Atonement is not porn.
Sadly.
I did ask the guy from the video store if he knew that was there and he said yes and how funny it was. They're not taking it down because it's funny.
I certainly think it is. Hell, I got a laugh out of it when I saw it hence why I took a couple of photos. 
Tags: religion, Sex
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Porn for literary fuckwits. Like me.
Tuesday, May 6th, 2008
Here's an interesting translation of some erotica I wrote tonight while speaking about the subject to a friend…
But before I do… a warning:
The following lines of text might make you aroused, confused, disturbed, bored, annoyed, irritated, disgusted, or convulse and explode. Reader discretion is advised.
Ok… so we start with the following statement…
"Oh yes. Let me fuck you. I'm fucking you in your tight ass. You're tight because I'm so big. Yeah bitch."
…and then with a bit of literary tact (I'm lying about that bit), we can turn it into…
"Such joy as I pound your tight virginal asshole with my throbbing member the size of a small Ethiopian child! I let it breach your insides, in and out, in and out, until war is made with several countries!"
Shakespeare would be proud.
Tags: erotica, Sex
Posted in ...and Everything | No Comments »
Trivial In Comparison
Monday, April 28th, 2008
Occasionally I buy things with the expressed intention of showing them on my blog to the twenty or thirty people that frequent it.
This is one of those times.
Anyone who reads my blog would have picked up that with my lack of luck in the lust department, I probably wouldn't get to use these until they're damn near expired.
That not withstanding, if you're about to use an Ansell condom for a sexual activity (as opposed to using them as a replacement for chewing gum), "FREE HUGS" is pretty trivial in comparison.
Tags: condoms, Sex
Posted in ...and Everything, Sex | No Comments »